Deep Inside

I’ve been sitting here since the sun came down, the window is broken and the lamp is off its base dangling on the corner of the table. Cold crispy air has been whispering its way through the broken glass slowly filling up the room with an icy breeze, covering the walls with a cool coating. The room is as dark as the night sky; the house is quite and has been this way since they all left. You can hear nothing but unclear radio station just loud enough for you to hear it playing an extinct collection of music. Everything else is scattered around the house lying dead and useless.

It’s been like this for a week and half already, everyday after a descent meal of junk food for dinner, I go upstairs to my room and lose my self! I love doing that, either sit or lie down and fade away into a muddle of endless thoughts, it seemed like an art I mastered. I didn’t have to do anything, it was already there and it surfaced alone.

The atmosphere was perfect, no parents trying to feed you life with their spoon of belief no siblings sharing the same plate of feelings with you or best friends seeking your good side. It’s me and myself. Enjoying the stillness of my milieu.

My mind flew across empty planes and dry deserts, over clouds and under the dirt. It was the only time where all the doors opened and limitations vanished, as if you were giving a prisoner the key of his cell. Most of the time I think about how I grew up and became the person I am today? What I went through and what I saw? However, always end up thinking of tomorrow, how its going to be and where and with who? Sometimes it’s a pleasure and it makes me smile to life and sometimes it hurts so much I think of ending my life. It’s never your decision to think of something or not! You need to let it guide you to what you’re really searching for, to your happiness or misery. You need to let go and enjoy the escape.

I haven’t been doing this for such a long time, only this year. Something happened this year and it seemed related to my destiny. I began to think of my surroundings and explain them, slowly things began to clear up and I began to understand how this world works. This isn’t exactly the perfect world but there’s still hope in it to become better and a bit safer! The people of the world have blinded themselves with their desires and pleasures and forgot who they really are and even what their inner voice sounds like. That’s why I chose to listen! Because I didn’t want to be like anybody else, I wanted to be the star in the middle of the night sky. I didn’t want to crash like a wave hitting the boulders at the shore making thunderous sound, I wanted to find my self, be a person people love, and I wanted to find my freedom.

I don’t want to bore you with my cavernous web of thoughts. At the very end it’s our decision to rise or fall. You don’t need to understand me and I don’t need to understand you, you need to understand yourself! It’s the only path to follow …